Safer Sex

In light of the recent criticism of President Bush’s abstinence only programs, it seems that the administration needs a new approach to the sexual educations of America’s youth. Unfortunately, those in charge have failed to notice an alternative that is literally right under their noses. If the aim of these programs is to decrease teen pregnancy (which it has not), STI’s (which it has not), and decrease the overall burden to American society, then another solution exists which has stood the test of generations as a tried-and-true way to reach these goals: lesbian sex. Yes, that is correct, lesbian sex is an excellent alternative to abstinence and holds equally compelling statistics. At present, there is a 0% pregnancy rate associated with lesbian sex as well as a 95% decrease in transmission of STI’s as compared with heterosexual sex practices. The transmission of HIV between women is relatively negligible as well. If the administration would only focus its resources on teaching teenage girls how to embrace their lesbian tendencies, the results would be staggering; 5,000 fewer teen mothers every year, 10,000 fewer cases of STI’s, a 10 fold decrease in the abortion rate, and an estimated 50,000 less people on welfare. It seems that if there is a homosexual agenda, it is the salvation of American youth from the mass destruction that awaits them at their sexual maturity.


*Author’s note: Unless otherwise stated, all statistics in this article are a complete fabrication.